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Reflections on 2016

Well folks, here we are. It's New Year's Eve 2016. I am full of reflection as this year comes to a close.

The year began with me drunk, going home to my freezing cold, damp, unfinished bus with no running water, flushing toilet or proper heating. By May I had had enough. I couldn't take bus life anymore, nor could I take being controlled by my ex-fiance. I was down, in a very dark, scary place. I was self harming again, I was crying all the time and I had suicidal thoughts. Then I read Mad Girl by Bryony Gordon and I found the courage to speak up. I told J that I needed help. He promptly threw me out of our home and his life. 14 years, gone in a flash. And you know what? That was the best thing that could have happened. The next few weeks were hard. I stayed with my best friend Tracey and finally saw a gp. I was diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and depression. I began taking medication for the first time in my life and had a brilliant course of counselling followed by a stress control course.

While this was all going on, a man I've known for 8 years as my Dads best friend came back into my life. Steve was brilliant. Supportive, kind, caring, funny and sweet. We quickly fell into a comfortable relationship that made me feel safe. When Steve hugs me, all my broken pieces fit back together and I know I'm loved. He is the best person I have ever known and I'm thankful for him every day. We got engaged in August and have been inseparable from day one. Christmas day marked our 6 months together and I have never been happier. In October, we found our beautiful little puppy Bella, a Pomeranian girly who is a gorgeous, joyful little ball of fluff with a foxy face. She makes us laugh every day.

And to make the end of the Year even more special, my Aunty Wendy came from Canada for Christmas. We had a brilliant time sightseeing with her and enjoyed a proper Canadian Christmas dinner. It was the first Christmas together in 17 years and was magical.

So, what began as a horrendous, dark year turned bright and sparkly because I wouldn't just lie down and die. I fought for what I felt I deserved and I got it. All of it. And it was worth the fight, the pain and the fear. Because now, every day is beautiful.

All the very best for 2017. Keep fighting, you're worth it.

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