Welcome to my Sweet Sixteen Party!
I actually can't believe that it was sixteen year ago today that me, my Mum, my Dad and my brother left our childhood home in Ontario, Canada and started a new life in Lancashire, England!
Leaving everyone and everything I knew behind was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Starting over with virtually nothing in a country I didn't really know was daunting. But I still maintain it was the best thing I've ever done. I have always felt like I belonged here. Even when life got hard, when things got unbearably difficult, this was where I belonged. I have moments where I would give anything for some kind of Star Trek beam me up contraption and I could just be back home when someone needed me, but those are in equal measure with days where I am so grateful for the people I have in my life now because I am here. Does that make sense?
Before I moved here, the most difficult thing I ever had to deal with was the death of my Grandma when I was 12. As sad as that was, there were much harder times ahead of me. Since moving here, I have lost my beloved Mum, my 3 remaining Grandparents have all passed away, I have suffered personal loss and heartache I would never wish on anyone. I have been stuck in a toxic relationship, which I have now left. I have started all over again with nothing. Through this, I have found that I have the most amazing friends, both near and far. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and started down the road to becoming well and learning to live with that. I have learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. I am a capable, (sometimes) confident woman and I am learning to kick ass! I have found a place where I belong in the book blogging community with the support fabulous authors and bloggers who are there for each other.
The best thing that has happened since I moved here has been hiding quietly in the background for the past 8 or so years. His name is Steve. He makes me want to be alive, he makes me feel worthwhile and important and special. Steve sees the best in me but also accepts my flaws and loves me anyway. He wants to be with me, he encourages me to be me and he loves me so much he is sticking the broken pieces back together day by day. Although this is a new relationship, it is by no means too soon or too quick. Steve has been patiently waiting for me to see what was always there. And when my previous relationship ended about 10 weeks ago, Steve and I started talking again. Things fell into place and now my life feels complete. I can't believe how amazing things feel right now. I never thought I deserved to be loved like this. I adore this man and I wish I had had the courage to leave my ex sooner. I was scared of a life on my own. I needn't have been, Steve was there waiting for me all along... I still have really down, dark days but they are easier to get through knowing that someone accepts me and will be there if I need him.
So, next years move-iversary post will be different. Next year I will be reflecting on my first year with Steve and celebrating all the happy things we have done together since. But for now, Thanks for sticking with me for so long and thanks for letting me be me. Much love xxxx