Every year, for the past 6 years, on this day I think of my late Mum with sadness. I'm sad that she is no longer here with me, that I can't call her for a chat or sit down for a cup of tea with her when I need advice or comfort. I'm sad that she'll never see me get married or bring her grandchildren into the world (if I should be lucky enough to have either of those happen). I'm sad that I am without the best friend I ever had. I don't normally do "It's not fair" or "Why me?" but I feel both of those things concerning my Mums death, aged just 60, from lung cancer.
I know I'm lucky in a lot of ways. It was not a sudden death where we didn't get to say Goodbye. It wasn't long a drawn out where we had to watch her suffer. It was about 4 weeks from hospitalisation until the end. Long enough to love her just that little bit more. But not long enough to learn all the things I wish I'd learned from her or to tell her all the things I wish I'd told her. It wasn't long enough for her to accomplish all the things she wanted to do. I never even got to ask her what those things were... But none of that matters now. All that matters is that she was the best Mum I could have wished for. She was an amazing, strong, kind, caring and generous woman who would do anything for anyone. She put everyone else before herself. She was a great baker, loved to cook for her family and made the best cup of tea ever. She loved movies, music and line dancing. She lived in jeans and cowboy boots (I even had her cremated in them!) and was happiest outside in her beautiful garden.
Mum was strong. She and my Dad never had an easy relationship. There were always money problems and they fought a lot. But they stuck it our for the sake of myself and my brother. Mum lived away from her family most of her life, after she moved to Canada. I know how hard that is. But she never let us see her cry. She kept a lovely home, made us happy and put us first. When we all moved over to England, she threw herself into making a new life for us. She was amazing.
I know I'm probably repeating myself, but I am proud to have been her daughter. I want to be half the woman she was, then I will be proud of myself. She was pivotal in me becoming the woman I am now (and the woman I am working on becoming). I hope I make her as proud as she made me.
Mum, thank you for loving me and for being you. I owe everything to you. I just wish I had told you that...
I know I'm lucky in a lot of ways. It was not a sudden death where we didn't get to say Goodbye. It wasn't long a drawn out where we had to watch her suffer. It was about 4 weeks from hospitalisation until the end. Long enough to love her just that little bit more. But not long enough to learn all the things I wish I'd learned from her or to tell her all the things I wish I'd told her. It wasn't long enough for her to accomplish all the things she wanted to do. I never even got to ask her what those things were... But none of that matters now. All that matters is that she was the best Mum I could have wished for. She was an amazing, strong, kind, caring and generous woman who would do anything for anyone. She put everyone else before herself. She was a great baker, loved to cook for her family and made the best cup of tea ever. She loved movies, music and line dancing. She lived in jeans and cowboy boots (I even had her cremated in them!) and was happiest outside in her beautiful garden.
Mum was strong. She and my Dad never had an easy relationship. There were always money problems and they fought a lot. But they stuck it our for the sake of myself and my brother. Mum lived away from her family most of her life, after she moved to Canada. I know how hard that is. But she never let us see her cry. She kept a lovely home, made us happy and put us first. When we all moved over to England, she threw herself into making a new life for us. She was amazing.
I know I'm probably repeating myself, but I am proud to have been her daughter. I want to be half the woman she was, then I will be proud of myself. She was pivotal in me becoming the woman I am now (and the woman I am working on becoming). I hope I make her as proud as she made me.
Mum, thank you for loving me and for being you. I owe everything to you. I just wish I had told you that...
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